Gnosis

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There and Back Again

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26-09-07_1234 For those of you who do not know already I am posting this blog for posterity. Erika and I are formally together again, albeit it again in a long distance relationship. After several breakups and fights and hours upon hours of conversations about what we want out of life and what happened we came to a simple conclusion: we are happier trying to work things out then we are single or with other people (myself included). We love each other and we want to be together regardless of past issues and mistakes. Yes, I said regardless of those past mistakes as we both made bad decisions during our former years and avoided telling each other how we felt or if something went wrong. We did what every couple does in order to put off pain: we lied to each other. The lies were the worst part of what caused us so much hardship.

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The lies in a relationship about ones’ own errors is what inevitably causes more damage then the initial error. When we lied to each other, we set about breaking down trust and increased the need to fabricate story after story about what was going on in our lives. Eventually those lies get found out, the stories collapse and the truth is discovered. The problem is that the lies and being lied to cause more pain over the long term then the mistake could ever achieve on its’ own. So after all this time and fighting, we chose to talk it out (along with a lot of yelling and pain) and get to the root of what was going on between us. After that we felt drained and exhausted, lacking the energy to even care about the past. Lastly, we gave ourselves some time apart to think about what we wanted, why we wanted it and if we wanted to try and make it work.

 

DSC00747 Thus we arrive at today and this blog post. A few days ago (technically Sunday) Erika and I formally made the decision to try again to be together. We both want to marry each other, we both hate living apart from one another. The distance causes a lot of doubt and room for temptations/mistakes for the both of us. So in an effort to quell the problems, we have set timetables for seeing each other and an expected date that I hope to be living in Colombia permanently as a goal and living together schedule. In the meantime I have lots of things here that have to be straightened out and Erika still has her University studies. It gives us some time to breathe and yet be at peace knowing that we have someone waiting who wants what we want.

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Will it work? Maybe. Do I want it to work? Obviously I do. Does Erika want what I want? She has expressed that she does and that she does not want to lose me. All we can do is hope, stay faithful and truthful to one another. That is what good relationships and marriage are based on. Our history and constant desire to solve our relationship problems gives us hope that we can work this out and move on towards something better and more rewarding. I love Erika, Erika loves me and the rest of you will have to learn to live with the idea that two flawed people can solve their problems and love each other. For now, I am happy to know that I have someone who understands me and that I understand and cherish.

Or as my lovely fiance has told me: "estoy feliz de estar  de nuevo contigo, te amo y eso es lo único que importa."

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Written by Josecito

March 16, 2011 at 8:45 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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