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Self Confidence

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tbrn199l With the world in turmoil these past few weeks, via riots, demonstrations, earthquakes, tsunamis, and now nuclear meltdowns I have chosen to not write about current events. Yes I know, I love to talk about politics, government and doomsday scenarios. Right now it seems inappropriate given the prevalence of ‘the I told you so’ crowd. No one likes to be reminded of their screw ups, there is only so many times I can write blogs in a ‘glass half empty’ format, and there are times when you write about future doom which isn’t during the doom times. With that in mind, I have set about (in concordance with my self improvement program) to write about another topic that I feel is important not just to me, but to all those who suffer from a lack of it: Self Confidence.

self-confidence Writing about this will invariably bring back themes that I have mentioned before and that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. The problem I am facing is one which robs everyone of their capacity to get ahead: a series of failures that reinforce the mythos of being a fuck-up. Take an average person, they will mess up one or two times and succeed one or two times. This leaves the person with normal self confidence: they know they are good at some things, and bad at other, but otherwise optimistic. Now take a person who has the ‘run of bad decisions/bad luck’ : they had self confidence and were succeeding, then they enter into a stage of their lives where they are beset upon by failure after failure in every aspect of their existence. The causes certainly will vary from person to person, but usually after enough failures, they begin to self sabotage under their new belief system that anything they will do or try to do, will fail (based on their short term memory of failing). Their outlook changed to pessimistic and their self confidence drops off the normal range and into the abyss of self pity, self loathing. Self destructive behavior starts, and helps to reinforce the ideology of being a perpetual fuck up. Their social standing drops, their circle of hobbies diminish until they are left with only a fragment of their former lives. Once you reach this stage you have few options left: realize what happened, wallow in your moment of crap, or continue down the spiral until death/drugs consume you.

failure-success That was where I was for quite a while. I’d swing back and forth between the three options, never really putting a firm foothold into any of the three paths and never improving. It went on for half a decade and the longer I sat there the less comfortable I was with my environment. Eventually I dusted myself off, and began the long arduous journey that is knowing oneself. Once I began to understand what happened in my past and why I ended where I ended, I could trace it back to several key errors of decision making on my part. One of those is a lack of self confidence. Yet what does that mean anyway? What is self confidence??

Success-Fulcrum It is certainty in your own ability to make decisions, to make sound judgment, to handle authority, successes, failures. It is the willingness to know that you must help yourself as you are the primary decider of your own fate (not including acts of God, weather). It is the knowledge that hard work might not pay off, but that it is not needed to have faith in your own capacities.

And that is what I lacked for so long. That is what disappeared from my life. Without it, you become afraid of everything you do or don’t do. You lack the ability to be decisive, regardless of success. You lack closure in your life (in school, relationships, debts, activities). A lack of self confidence ends up leaving you frozen in time, unable to move for fear of screwing up and for fear of what you might do if you succeeded (ie more responsibility and the potential inability to handle it). Once you lose your confidence, you lose everything. People may have faith in you and your capacities but once you lose your own faith you will quickly disappoint them. Once you lose the faith, confidence and trust of the people around you, your life becomes an order of magnitude more difficult to live. This is why criminals (without mental disorder or drug use issues) have a hard time surviving and reintegrating into society. The world has no faith in them, and they have no faith in themselves to be that more confident, more reliable person. The end result is that you hear about revolving door prisons and the idea of “ once a X always an X”.

The rebuilding of self confidence is key to anyone who wishes to be a success after a failure or string of failures.


Written by Josecito

March 15, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

3 Responses

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  1. Jesus… are you inside my head? This morning I was planning a blog post about self confidence (since it was my New Year’s goal and we’re finishing the first quarter of the year). It was actually going to focus on what happens when you convince (fool?) yourself into feeling confident only to have something knock you back down to reality. (Hence my morning status message about being self-confident vs. being stupidly optimistic.) I opted not to write it today, since I was inspired by my bento-esque lunch.

    Seriously. Get the hell out of my head.


    March 15, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    • Lol, first off… I ain’t Jesus, he’s my cousin. :)
      But maybe…I’ve been really good at reading the ‘ether’ so maybe you’ve been thinking too hard about it, leading to other people getting the idea.

      Either way its’ a good topic to blog about and don’t let my blogging prevent you from writing. You have a lot of differing opinions and thoughts about life, so post it and get it out there. What would be neat that we should try (maybe for one of the next posts) is to post a Point-Counterpoint blog where we link each other’s blogs and use the arguments from one, to fuel fire in the other one.

      Let me know.


      March 16, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      • I do like that idea… what topic?? And who posts first? LOL


        March 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

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