Gnosis

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On Snowfall

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Shovel Snow Today marks yet another day that the city of Philadelphia gets snowfall for the winter season. What does this mean to all of us? Well if I was a child it would mean hours upon hours of time playing in the snow, making snowmen, snow forts, and writing my own name in said snow when all was said and done (ok ok not that last one). As I grew older, the appeal of snow diminished and the realities of what snow really means for life in town becomes apparent and hideous.

To me snow means the brown crap you see within two days. The exhaust of all the cars in town, driving over and over again, spewing their collective sludge into the once pristine white goodness of youth. Yet every winter people in Philly see this black residue from their cars and think nothing of it and continue to drive, all the while not understanding the sheer amount of pollution that they emit for the ability to spend $300 a month on a oversized piece of plastic instead that kills them and the people they care about year after year.

philadelphia_snow To me, snow means wet work pants, dress shoes that instantly look like trash, and clothing that is constantly wet, cold and salt covered. To me, snowfall in this once great town refers to the idiots who don’t realize that they need to shovel their sidewalks, from grass to grass all the way down the path as the price of living in a civilized world. Instead I see mountains of snow in the wrong places, intermittent snow shoveling or half a foot wide pathways that even my tiny dog can not pass through. Snowfall in the city also means that the wonderful city, whose regularly cancelled plowing days, come in right after I shovel my car out of its cocoon. It means watching morons shovel the snow into the freshly plowed streets so that no one can drive except for the cars parked in front of that disaster of a human.

dirty_snow Be it wet, fluffy, icy or flakey, the precipitation that we receive in this kid brother of Gotham is nothing worthy of excitement or smiles over the age of 14. It means, when we are kids, listening until the last minute for school closings, only to find out that 2 feet of snow is not enough to stay home, despite the busses not being able to move. Once they begin moving, these snowdays mean walking on treacherous ice, to wait in subfreezing temperatures (why does Philadelphia only have wind on days that rain or snow?) for a bus that will be late and will invariably splash you with icy dirt sludge when it arrives, if it arrives. As an adult, it means shoveling my walkway, those of my elderly neighbors (not because I care about them, but because if they get injured and die, their house will be sold and more then likely the new folks will be Section 8 ghetto fabulous thugs), and then my car. All of this pleasure and exercise (which doctors are now saying causes heart attacks cause of the intensity) so that I can drive to a cubicle and sit at a desk doing a job that is about to be outsourced or downsized for pay that is ever decreasing.

367468083_df44c0ea64 Yes oh yes, I know what snow is. Snow is that wonderful stuff you see in movies, on paintings and pictures of magazines. Snow is that wonderful substance that looks great from afar and conceptually is cool but once it comes near it ruins your day.

Really though, snow isn’t the problem in this town. The people are the problem because in the almost 400 years that this city was founded NO ONE could come up with a way of building the city in a manner that neatly sorts the snowfall and keeps the sidewalks clear. Notice how all of the strip malls have overhangs that do that? Why does downtown NOT have an identical concept at place?? This city suffers some really ugly buildings, the least they could do was to keep us out of the snow and rain as we trudge along. Yes, snow is my scapegoat because the people who live here are too dumb to criticize. It is obvious to everyone that there is a segment of society that just can’t help being how they are and we accept their limitations. The problem was that somehow they all got a memo which told them to move here because it was a Mecca for Morons. Slowly but surely they came, driving out decent folk who knew what they were doing until one day they woke up in their very one metropolis.

And then it snowed.

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Written by Josecito

January 12, 2011 at 12:25 am

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. I just came in from shoveling the sidewalk, and of course I thought of you. Grass to grass! :) There are quite a few people who made one pass with the shovel, leaving a path barely wide enough to walk. Assholes. I not only shoveled the entire walk, but I shoveled some of the street snow to make a walking path on the driver’s side of the cars who park there. Hopefully someone will notice and pay it forward and do something nice for someone else. I doubt it, but you never know.

    Dree

    January 12, 2011 at 1:33 pm


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